Achieving Balance in Life

Richard Evers, Editor

Overview

Developing software can easily throw your life out of balance. The hours are often punitive, deadlines unrealistic, and workload excessive. Even after you’re done, you’re never really done because of maintenance and product evolution.

I have written this article to help you achieve balance in life by reducing stress and gaining focus. The techniques discussed in this article have helped me greatly and will hopefully do the same for you.

To paraphrase Epictetus, it is possible to be happy if you know that some things are within your power to control while other things are not. Things within our control include opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion and our own actions.

It’s easy to fall into a trap of lamenting things that are outside of our direct control. For example, someone makes a decision that causes you grief. You can either deal with the situation or dwell over the decision. Dwelling over anything that is outside of your control is far more stressful than accepting and dealing with it. First, because you can’t change the past, and second, because it’s counterproductive. Either work with the decision-maker to correct the decision, or get on with life by dealing with the decision.

Albert Einstein once remarked that insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. This is so true. How many of us get stressed out when people repeatedly reject our ideas? Over time we find altered ways of repackaging our ideas only to get rejected time and again. I’ve found that many people are so adverse to risk that they will do anything to avoid it. Others are so stuck in their ways that they will reject anything outside of their comfort zone. And some are so busy that they don’t want to take on any new work. At some point you have to take your losses and move on, either by letting the issue drop or getting out. There has to be a limit to insanity.

In his landmark book, The Power of Now, author Eckhart Tolle states that "All fear comes from living in the past or the future, which are both in our minds - in reality, it is always now. As long as we stay with the Now, we have peace. Knowing this, we can choose peace at any moment."

This single observation has made a huge difference in my life. To explain, I can recall my past with ease. I can remember things I have seen, heard, read or otherwise experienced going back to early childhood. Like many people, I tend to remember extreme events, some of which have been painful, foolish and destructive. My problem centered on relentlessly reviewing a past that I cannot change and a future that may or may not happen. I’ve found great solace living in the moment, utilizing experiences from my past to help create a future, while not contemplating things that I have no control over. Each time I find myself brooding on past or future events, I force myself to live in the moment by asking if anything bad is happening at this moment. Things are usually pretty good once uncontrollable events are taken out of the picture.

This approach seems fairly naive at first glance. After all, how can anyone completely ignore the past, forget about the future and live on a moment by moment basis? Doesn’t that turn you into an unthinking zombie?

It means that the past should be fully available when you need it in the present, providing you don’t stew over anything that causes you or anyone else grief. You can’t change anything that has happened in the past so why dwell on it? If something horrible happened in the past, do whatever you have to do to stop it from happening again but don’t let it ruin your life by brooding over it. Most people relish drama and will relive past experiences to get it. Doing this can act as a drug where your present is wasted while you bask in the past. Remain conscious and you’ll find that you don’t need to relive your past to get a charge out of life.

The future is undecided and will remain so even if you dwell on it. Live each moment in the best way that you can and you will gradually build your future.

Dreaming of a perfect future will never make it so. If you want to reach specific goals then adjust the trajectory of your life on a moment by moment basis to make it happen. Use past experiences, knowledge and contacts to gradually swing your present around in the direction you want to go. Don’t dwell on the future -- focus on the present. If you do it right then you will have a greater chance of reaching your goals.

How many times have you seen or heard something that really sets you off? You know, something that was false, foolish, destructive or otherwise wrong.

For most of my life I have been proud of having a strong grasp of complex situations and strong associated opinions. Unfortunately, in expressing my opinions I was reacting to events that have already occurred in a way that was falsely proactive. Not smart at all!

For example, if a politician does something that you disagree with, expressing your opinion about it to your friends, family, coworkers or the world in general on a blog will not change what has already happened, and will have little to no impact on the future. All it will do is cause you and everyone who has been impacted by your opinion to stress out.

If you want to change the present then get directly involved at a source level. In that way you can become part of the solution by taking a proactive role. If you can’t or won’t take a proactive interest, then consider living in the moment rather than reactively dwelling on the past. You’ll find that your opinions will remain intact, but your need to express them will diminish along with your stress and the stress levels of everyone you normally deal with. If someone expresses their opinion to you and expects you to express a strong retort, then try to roll with it by remaining in the moment. There are many things in society that should change. Sitting on the sidelines venting opinions only makes things worse. Make your life better by taking a proactive role in life while living in the moment.

One of the biggest career challenges most people face relate to management. Where a good manager or leader can make even the worst job palatable, poor management can make any job horrible.

It can be highly stressful to work for a bad manager, and can be even worse to work for a company with bad leadership. Where the effects of a bad manager are usually localized to a division, poor leadership can ruin a company.

The key to dealing with poor management and poor leadership is to avoid taking things personal and keeping your perspective. Remember that you have skills that are transportable to other companies. If things get rough, you always have the option to either switch to another division, or leave the company entirely. Your worth has nothing to do with your position, your title, your salary or the company you work for. Leaving a company can be difficult, but it often works out for the best. The key is to be selective when choosing your next job, and less prone to put a false sense of loyalty ahead of your own well being. Loyalty must be earned by employers and employees. If you are fortunate enough to work for a company with efficient managers and effective leaders, then loyalty will be earned by all.

Moderation in drink, diet and lifestyle are always key to achieving balance. For example, coffee in moderation can be beneficial where too much caffeine can lead to sleeplessness, paranoia, irritability, rage, elevated heart rate and heart palpitations. Alcohol can also work as a relaxant, but too much can lead to euphoria, depression, instability and illness.

Food also has to be selectively taken in moderation. While you could live off of fast food each day, your weight and well-being could be negatively affected. Eat well on a regular basis and your life will be better for it.

Exercise is also a wonderful way to achieve balance. Something as simple as going for a walk while living life in the moment can be highly cathartic. Swimming, running, biking or working out at a gym can all help restore balance to an otherwise hectic life. Balance can be achieved with little cost or effort. All it takes is living in the moment whenever possible in a setting that is conducive to relaxation.

Uninterrupted sleep is very critical to balance. Make time for it every night if possible, and make sure that external distractions are minimized as much as possible. Sounds, smells and light can badly disturb what would otherwise be a sound sleep, leaving you in a diminished capacity on waking.

Reading a good book can also help to restore balance. Pick a genre and book that works for you and make time to read. For me, reading is central to my life. Recently, though, I’ve changed genres to focus on books that carry a positive message. While it’s wonderful to tackle a novel with a complex plot, it usually takes a toll on me because I often take the side of one of the protagonists.

Finally, associate with people who bring light into your life instead of sorrow and stress. If you can’t avoid the naysayers, encourage them to read this article. Feeling better about life starts with having a positive outlook. After that, anything is possible.

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